I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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