he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
