Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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