i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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