Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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