why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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