I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Buhtt sex?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
