Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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