sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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