Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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