It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
