Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
