there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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