Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
