One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
