I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
