I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
