I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
