So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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