also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
