Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Randomize
