someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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