This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
