Pants 0. Shit 1.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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