Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
