Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
