I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
