My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
