They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
