ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
