just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
