Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
