after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
nutella sex= disaster
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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