Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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