She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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