eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
they need to just BURY HIM!
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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