He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
