Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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