she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It's rum buckets o'clock
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
