For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
