was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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