This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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