So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
