I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
