I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
NoShamevember. You game?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
