I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
