I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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