: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
