You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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