hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
