I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
